Sept 2008 marked my 2nd year anniversary being smoke free after 40 years being a smoker. Quitting was not as difficult as my imagination told me it would be and I sure wish I had done it 20 years earlier or 30 years earlier or never started. But what is done is done.
I’m used to having a somewhat thin body, and the combination of going through menopause and quitting smoking around the same time has left me with weight I didn’t have even during my three preganancies. Horrors!
In my mind, I simply imagine doing some of the exercises I used to do as a young dancer (ballet, jazz, aerobics) and all will be well again. Well my imagination is active, but it is not getting the job done. What is it about aging that makes physical activity less agreeable and something I have to work at to make myself do….
I admit it, I’m struggling with this stage of my life. Much as I am trying to adapt, it is not going so well. My mind’s eye still embraces my young woman-ness, rejecting my middle age woman-ness. The mirror tells me a different story than my mind’s eye and there is internal disharmony. Until I get to a place of resolve and acceptance, my inner world continues to fight within itself.
I didn’t intend for this to be a woe is me blog post and I hope it doesn’t sound like it is. These are new challenges for me and while it is creating some chaos and confusion in my inner vision of my identity and self, they are nonetheless positive challenges. Embracing new challenges, finding new reasons to look at the blessings of life, living within the framework of a new identity as a middle-age woman — life is good.